The Comfort Found in Seven Days: The Beauty of Sitting Shiva Grief

As a funeral director, I’ve had the privilege of walking beside families of many faiths as they navigate loss. Among the most profoundly moving traditions I have witnessed is Shiva (or Sheva in Hebrew), the seven days of mourning observed in Jewish custom after a loved one’s funeral.

There is a deep and quiet wisdom in the structure of Shiva. In a world that urges us to “move on” too quickly, Shiva offers permission, perhaps even an invitation, to simply stop. For seven days, mourners remain at home, surrounded by family, friends, and community. Work, errands, and distractions are set aside. The focus becomes one of remembering, sharing stories, and sitting together in the presence of grief and love.

I recall sitting with a family during Shiva for their beloved mother, Rachel. In the early days, the house was heavy with sorrow and silence. But as visitors came, bringing food, lighting candles, and sharing memories, the atmosphere slowly softened. One evening, a granddaughter shared a story about how Rachel used to dance joyfully in the kitchen, reminding everyone of her vibrant spirit. Laughter mingled with tears. It was in that moment I saw the true beauty of Shiva: grief held gently alongside love, memory, and community.

Shiva teaches that mourning should not be rushed or hidden away. The first week after burial is often the hardest; emotions surge, and silence feels deafening. Yet during this sacred time, there is always company. Visitors bring food, light candles, and listen. They do not attempt to fix pain; they simply sit, a gesture that says, “You are not alone.”

Every element of the tradition carries gentle meaning. Low chairs remind mourners of humility and the weight of sorrow. Mirrors are covered to shift attention away from outward appearances. Each ritual draws focus back to the heart of loss, helping people mourn with intention and connection.

What I find most beautiful is the gradual rhythm it creates. For seven days, grief is given a home. When that period ends, mourners rise to take a short walk around the block, a symbolic re-entry into the world, accompanied by others. It’s not a completion of grief but a soft transition, an acknowledgment that life continues while memory endures.

So many families I meet long for a way to make sense of loss, to feel held in a time when everything feels fractured. Shiva offers that: a sacred pause, community presence, and structured compassion. It reminds us that grieving is not a solitary act but a shared human experience, bound by love, memory, and faith.

Tips for Sitting Shiva

• Allow yourself to feel: Don’t rush your emotions or try to hold them back. The permission to sit and grieve openly is part of healing.

• Accept support: Let friends and family visit, bring food, and share memories. Their presence is a vital part of your comfort.

• Rest when you need to: Grieving can be exhausting. Give yourself permission to rest, even if it means stepping away from visitors for a while.

• Share stories: Talking about your loved one, telling favourite memories, and even laughing can help keep their spirit alive during Shiva.

• Create a peaceful space: Light candles, place meaningful photos, and keep the environment calm to foster reflection and connection.

• Be gentle with yourself: Each person’s grief journey is unique. There is no “right” way to mourn or timeline to follow.

• Reach out if overwhelmed: If grief feels too heavy, consider speaking with a trusted rabbi, counsellor, or support group experienced in mourning.

  
  

If you are grieving, take heart in this ancient wisdom. Mourning doesn’t need to be hurried or hidden. There is beauty in stillness, strength in tradition, and comfort in gathering with others who will simply sit beside you through it all.